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"NON-LIVING" WITH A DISORDER
March 4, 2009
What if you had to:
*check each light switch, lock, door (to give only a few examples) many times before leaving a room
*avoid going to the washroom for fear of all the germ-checking to do once you're there
*spend three hours (or more) getting ready to go out and in all that time you would only have gone to the washroom and gotten dressed
*think about every single thing you do to make sure there is nothing amiss
*think about every single thing you don't do to make sure you shouldn't have done it
*struggle greatly with any kind of social life because of your oddities
*avoid the shower for months on end because it takes you over two hours to get one
*get every speck or lint or hair off your clothes or bed before you use them
*spend most of your time sleeping because you can't face the torture of your own thoughts
'Welcome' to the world of the severe Obsessive Compulsive person. Our daughter, Kimberly, is one of those trapped in this horrendous world where your thoughts abound and control you, despite the fact that, rationally, you know they are wrong.
Awhile ago we read a fictional book based on facts called Kissing Doorknobs, which describes the torturous life of a person with OCD. An image has impressed itself upon us from that book:
~imagine every person having a flap in their brain
~with most people that flap shuts every time a thought is completed (thousands of times a day)
~with OCD people that flap does not shut; it stays open, leading to great distress every minute of their waking hours because there is no conclusion to their thoughts
(I must add that, even though we really appreciated the analogy, we didn't care for how the book concluded as it seemed to greatly soften the grueling steps and therapy needed to counteract OCD. It ended too nicey-nice. The girl took the therapy, combined with medication, and lived almost happily ever after. Not realistic, in our opinion.)
The following is a summary of typical OCD: http://www.anxieties.com/ocd.php
Our Kimberly is a 'checker' (checking with her actions) and a 'dweller' (checking with her thoughts). There are also 'counters', 'cleaners', 'hoarders'. The thing with OCDers is that they're usually very bright and are extremely aware of their circumstances, lending to what can be great discouragement and even depression at times.
The ideal treatment is a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy http://www.camh.net/About_Addiction_Mental_Health/Mental_Health_Information/OCD/ocd_treatments.html and medication combination.
Kimberly has been through a group session of CBT about six years ago and even though she appreciated the support then, she wasn't ready to tackle the intensity of the therapy. June of 2008 she entered CBT one-on-one, which eventually proved to be very successful for her. By last fall she was overcoming many of her OCD tendencies and, although she would never be 100% free of it, life was liveable again. The therapy was concluded at the beginning of December and shortly after she began regressing again to the point where she is now at one of the lowest points she's ever been.
She has recently begun more therapy, but this time with a private company—a reputible, long-standing clinic not too far from us. Even though we have to pay for this one out of our own pockets (the previous one, being run from a hospital, was government-funded, which was a bonus in one sense except for the fact that it had a limited timeframe), we long for her to have her life again as she is barely existing now. It will be a challenging road ahead, to get back on track again, but yesterday at therapy, for the first time in weeks, I saw a glimmer of hope and light in her eyes.
If she can get a handle on the 'dwelling' (mentally re-tracing), every area will improve for her. Her homework after each therapy session is very difficult and hugely challenging and she often cries out in the midst of putting the principles into practice in the agony of trying to defeat the OCD Monster. When she comes to mind, please pray for her: for strength and motivation to persevere.
Verses such as the following have come to mean much to our family of late:
*2 Chronicles 16:9a (New King James Version)
"For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth,
to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him."
*Psalm 42:11 (English Standard Version)
"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God."
*Psalm 40:1-3 (ESV)
1I waited patiently for the LORD;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
2He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
3He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the LORD.
How we pray that God will give her that new song that she will in turn sing to Him. Not to say everything will be rosy then, but with the successes and the regressions, may we continue to hope in God.
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| Books and More Books!
February 2, 2009 (Groundhog Day and yes, according to three groundhogs in Ontario, there should be six more weeks of winter. *refrains from smiling tooooo big*  )
kotwcs tagged me on Facebook with this idea, but I added an extra bit: put a happy face after the books that you love in an extra-special way; that are tops on your list of beloved writing; that you couldn't live without—books that sink deep into your soul. They are few and far between, and all the more special because of that fact.
There are a number of books that I love that are not included on this list, though, such as C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy, The Silmarillion, The Mayor of Casterbridge, some of Peretti's and Dekker's books (although I don't love theirs in the same way and to the same level that I love Tolkien's or Lewis'), and others, plus many, many non-fiction writings, including biographies/autobiographies that I have read and so enjoyed (although I do realize this is a fiction-based list).
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you love.
4) Put 6 stars next to the ones you are reading******
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien  ****** (The RotK, specifically)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (the first three, then I lost interest: I may read the rest some day)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible ******
7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Works of Shakespeare (I haven't read all his works, but over the years have read many of them: I like the histories and tragedies quite a bit better than the comedies)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier (italicized on the recommendation of wisewoman: see below)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (italicized on the recommendation of JillPole and stargazer: see below)
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen (I have only skimmed this one, and need to read it more thoroughly ... sometime)
36 The Good Earth – Pearl S. Buck
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving (My husband read this one and didn't care for it. I recall him saying it is disturbingly sacreligious. That may be too strong, but it did not leave him with a good taste in his mouth.)
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (I found this one hard to stomach in parts - too graphic sexually for my tastes - and put it down partway through)
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (italicized as a result of recent comments made on the Book thread of NarniaWeb)
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo | | |
| (Why does "2009" sound like it should be far off in the future?!!  )
Just for fun!
| 1. What time did you get up this morning? | | 6:15 a.m. | | 2. Diamonds or pearls? | | Neither | | 3. Last movie you saw at the cinema? | | The Day the Earth Stood Still (Meh ... ) | | 4. What is your favorite TV show? | | Don’t generally watch TV, but from a long time ago: I Love Lucy and Get Smart | | 5. What do you usually have for breakfast? | | Toast with peanut butter and some kind of jam, oatmeal porridge, lots of orange juice! | | 6. What is your middle name? | | Diana It's LOUISE!!!  | | 8. What is your least favorite Food? | | Coconut and licorice/anise | | 8. What is your favorite CD? | | The Lord of the Rings Complete Recordings | | 9. What kind of car do you drive? | | 1995 Saturn | | 10. Favorite sandwich? | | BLT | | 11. What characteristic do you despise? | | Pretension/arrogance | | 12. Favorite item of clothing | | My comfy nighties | | 13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? | | New Zealand and Oxford, England and Wales | | 14. Favorite brand of clothing? | | I don’t do clothing (I mean I wear it, but I can’t stand it) | | 15. Where would you retire to? | | Somewhere with a colder clime and lots of snow! | | 16. Your most memorable birthday? | | Both 40 and 50 | | 17. Favorite sport to watch? | | Anything to do with water: diving, synchronized swimming | | 18. Furthest place you are sending this? | | To my Xanga for everyone to read there | | 19. Person you expect to send it back first? | | Not applicable | | 20. When is your birthday? | | May 9 | | 21. Are you a morning person or a night person? | | I love early mornings (I’m at my ‘best’ in the morning), but am getting to be more of a night person, just to balance things out. | | 22. What is your shoe size? | | 8 | | 23. Pets? | | A dog, Twister, who is 15 years old. In the past we’ve had guinea pigs, hamsters, and rats (the latter of which are simply the most fun, adorable, best pets around) | | 24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? | | The Silver Leaves journal, Issue 2, themed on the Inklings, just released (www.whitetreefund.org) and what an amazing issue it is! | | 25. What did you want to be when you were little? | | Marine biologist, meteorologist—ended up teaching music, go figure | | 26. How are you today? | | Beginning to feel great again (after recovering from a lengthy bout of bronchitis) | | 27. What is your favorite candy? | | Mini Eggs, Reese’s PB cups, Walker’s Chocolate Mint Meltaways, Toffifee | | 28. What is your favorite flower? | | Hyacinth, lilac, amaryllis | | 29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? | | The Mod Moot in Ohio near the end of July (can hardly wait!); going to The Sound of Music musical on Jan. 31 with some special girlfriends, "The Williams' Girls" | | 30. What is your favorite pastime? | | In random order:
Being online on NarniaWeb,
reading,
hanging out with my family,
watching the night sky,
walking/hiking,
working on the Silver Leaves journal team,
listening to movie soundtracks,
spending time with The Williams' Girls and friends, in general | | 31. What are you doing right now? | | Just got back from a walk with my dear friend, Sandy (and Twister), and am about to log in to NWeb, then read for a bit | | 32. What was the last thing you ate? | | Supper: “Preacher’s Casserole”, cucumbers, cottage cheese | | 3. Do you wish on stars? | | I often gaze at the night sky/stars, but I don’t know if I’ve ever wished on one. | | 34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? | | A deep green | | 35. How is the weather right now? | | Very cold with lots of snow! | | 36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? | | My mom and dad | | 37. Favorite soft drink? | | Root Beer | | 38. Favorite restaurant? | | East Side Mario’s and Sotiris (Greek restaurant) | | 39. Natural hair color? | | Medium brown with auburn tinges | | 40. What was your favorite toy as a child? | | Stuffed animals | | 41. Summer or winter? | | WINTER!!! | | 42. Hugs or kisses? | | Hugs | | 43. Chocolate or Vanilla? | | Depends what it is: I love chocolate bars, but don’t like chocolate milkshakes; I love vanilla milkshakes but am not as fond of white chocolate. | | 44. Coffee or tea? | | Neither, but I adore the smell of coffee brewing (I'm a cold drink person) | | 45. Do you want your friends to email you back? | | They usually do at their convenience | | 46. When was the last time you cried? | | A couple of nights ago: not a major cry, just a little weep (for our dear Kimberly) | | 47. What is under your bed? | | Four nice large drawers to hold sheets, pillow cases, and blankets. And dust. | | 48. What did you do last night? | | Watched part of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe | | 49. What are you afraid of? | | Something awful happening to one of my children | | 50. Salty or sweet? | | Depends on the day: sometimes I’m craving chocolate; other times olives | | 51. How many keys on your key ring? | | 5 | | 52. Favorite day of the week? | | No favourite day: I enjoy every day | | 53. How many towns have you lived in? | | 5 | | 54. Do you make friends easily? | | Yes | | 55. How many people will you send this to? | | I’m posting this on my Xanga blog | | 56. How many will respond? | | Whoever leaves a comment ;) | |
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| HASTY HOBBIT TIDBITS
Knowing I haven't updated my blog in far too long and wondering how I'd get caught up, but then after seeing wisewoman's "Rapid-Fire Thoughts" blog entry I realized that style would be a good way, so thanks Amy, and here we go with a few key highlights of the past five months (much of which may be known by many of you already). It is good, though, to get it down in writing, for some reason.
*during mom's episode in the hospital last summer, she was diagnosed in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's Disease, which especially showed itself during mom and dad's recent move to their new apartment, after having lived in the same area for 53 out of 56 years of their married life. It's been a very tough adjustment for mom, lovely place though it is. Things are looking up for her a bit more now that a few months have passed, and we're grateful that they are closer to us so that we can support them even more in these latter years of their lives as we visit back and forth a fair bit.
*our middle son, Geoff, has moved on to the next stage of his life: university! He is attending his first year at the University of Ottawa (six hours away from us), majoring in Statistics. Yep, he's a math guy! Honestly, we couldn't have chosen a nicer city for him. Ottawa is beautiful. So much green-space and so clean! Our prayer for him is that he keeps seeking God in his life.
*I continue to be involved online in two capacities:
1) the Tolkien-based journal, "Silver Leaves", whose second issue is releasing tomorrow. (See www.whitetreefund.org for ordering info.) We're very excited about this issue, which has the Inklings as its theme. 
2) the forum at NarniaWeb (www.narniaweb.com), at which I am an active member and a moderator (for nearly a year now). I am loving the challenge, plus relishing in the wonderful community there. I hope to be meeting more NarniaWebbers this coming year, and anticipate that time very much, as well as keeping close contact with those dear friends already made there.
*Our youngest son, Steven, is in grade 10 at our local high school and doing very well. I wish he could find himself a strong, positive band to be in, in which he could use his amazing drumming skills.
*Our daughter, who struggles greatly with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, has had a rough time of it. Thankfully, though, therapy opened up to her (after waiting on the list a year and a half!) in June. She went through intensive weekly sessions for six months with a therapist who was a 'perfect fit' for Kimberly, and with a change of medication as well. The combination of the two was amazing and she made large strides in learning how to redirect her thoughts away from what OCD was telling her. That was in December. Now, having been out of therapy for over a month, she has sadly begun to regress a fair bit. Two factors are at work here: one is that the weekly therapy helped keep her on track big-time; the other is that she's always worked better in a structured setting ... which Christmas holidays are not! We've been in touch with the Anxiety Disorder Clinic there and are trying to see what steps are best to get her 'living' again, dear girl. She still sees her medication doctor there, plus attends a monthly "Booster Group", which is a support group for folk who have been through the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy program. Please pray for her as you think of her. OCD will be a life-long struggle for her, but we hope that she can get to the point of enjoying life again, rather than being consumed by the disorder.
*My hubby, Dennis, broke BOTH his heels in late September!! He was fixing our eavestroughs late one night and didn't realize that the board he had used for some scaffolding had a crack in it. Down he went about eight feet ... onto concrete. Thankfully he had his workboots on, otherwise the result could have been a lot worse (as in injury to his spine or pelvis). He literally crawled around the house for two months, and worked from home. His attitude amazed all of us, for he was highly motivated and determined to 'heel' the best way he could, which was staying off his feet for those many weeks. (No surgery was necessary.) The ending is happy: he saw the specialist for the last time this past week and the doc is very, very pleased with Dennis' progress. He still has to be careful, naturally, but he'll be okay. His one desire is to ski again, but that won't happen until next winter when his feet are fully healed again.
Well, that's a basic summary, and we go into this New Year not knowing the future, but knowing the God of the future and in Him we trust.
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| One never knows what a day will bring forth ...
The last week and a half has been somewhat of a roller-coaster ride. A week ago this past Sunday night my Dad phoned 911 to call an ambulance to rush mom to the hospital: she could barely breath with a severe asthma attack. Once there, she was put on oxygen and numerous tests taken. As a result of these tests, the doctors found out her blood pressure was dangerously high and her sodium level was dangerously low. Measures were put in place to level these out, which gradually happened within four days or so. We learned that if one brings up their sodium level too quickly, there could be serious damage to the brain. Honestly, we learned so much last week through talking to the doctors and nurses!
Mom was at a top-notch hospital, thankfully, and the care was excellent. Later in the week we found out that both her white and red blood cell count was wacky and that her spleen was enlarged. This concerned the doctors and she was scheduled for a bone marrow tap, which is quite painful, this past Monday. In the meantime, with her improving breathing, sodium and blood pressure levels, she was beginning to look better, eat a bit more, and, in general, be more perky. Last Friday, the doctor informed us that there is a blood test they can do that almost gives the same results as the bone marrow tap. Well, no difficulty choosing there: she went with the blood test. The vials were sent to another hospital in Toronto, which is the only one in our area that does such extensive testing. It could take a week or two for us to get the results back. The doctors are fairly sure that mom has a type of chronic leukemia, which, to our great interest, is very treatable with medication. In fact, people can basically go back to living normally, as long as they stay on their meds! Wow, what an unexpected surprise to hear this. (This is, apparently, a relatively recent development in the medical field.) And I must say here, a big thank-you to Berninbush from NarniaWeb for her knowledgeable support that she passed on to us. It really helped us understand better what we are probably dealing with.
Mom was released from the hospital yesterday after a long nine days there, during which time Dad was so faithful in spending each day down there with her, along with us kids taking turns as well. During the past few years mom's memory has been failing a bit, so while she was still in the hospital they did some cognitive tests on her. As a result she has lost her driver's license. We thought this would come as a great upset for her, for she loves driving but, by God's grace, she has taken it in stride. She would have had to write her "80-year old" test in another month, anyway, and dad and I were afraid she wouldn't pass that so, in the long run, we feel it was best she heard this news from the medical profession. Thankfully Dad is very able still, at 82 years of age.
So, we await the confirmation of the diagnosis. There is a small chance she has another type of blood disorder, but we will not know that for certain until the results of the blood test come in.
We can see God's sovereign hand working each day all through this past week. And what is so special, but was difficult at the time, is that Dad and I came to the point last week of releasing Mom to God's care, if He deemed that her time on earth had ended. The peace that flooded over us, and the assurance that she was in His care and love was almost overwhelming; the knowledge that whatever happened, God was orchestrating it all. And then, He surprised us by giving her back to us again for a time, which only increased the joy and thankfulness, as it was quite unexpected.
God provided much support, both online (the mods on NarniaWeb and other special friends there) and through friends and family in Real Life, to come alongside. I told Mom and Dad one day that people from all over the world were praying for them, thanks to my online friends. That was such an encouragement to them.
One of the mods posted this verse in the Mod Lounge: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ. ~Philippians 4:6-7
What a strong and excellent command and promise. We have seen that verse at work in very practical and meaningful ways in our family's life in this past week. Thanks be to God who works in us both to will and to do His good pleasure ... no matter what.
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